I SAT DOWN IN THE CATHEDRAL AND WEPT
And my 5pm heels and cheetah print were so God damn LOUD
And still God loved me
And the world was pink and new and pleasant like
The soft under belly of a white baby lamb
Or a shiny slab of granite warm
in a comfortable sun
Swelling up into my lungs and throat
And I couldn’t even get the words out to Pray I could only
Feel
Every gentle smile from a stranger
Trams jetting past outside full of
Sweet faces like blooming tulips
Every embrace where I was squeezed just (right)
a little bit tighter
And every honey yellow streetlight guiding me
Home while I giggle and sing drunkenly like a stray cat
I feel every argument and every time I’ve hurt
Or could have done better
And was forgiven anyway
I feel every worry and fear and
the hunch in my shoulders
and I feel them drift off like
Stars melting away at dawn
And I feel the world wrapping its big lumpy arms
Around me, in all of my weirdness and
whispering “Yes, this is all so strange; and
this is how it’s meant to go.”
And then
I feel like sprinting
Through a meadow of dancing grasses
Diving into a box of neon red
Hot chips on St. Kilda beach
Under a milky apricot sunset
Gifted just for my shutter-less lenses
On the drive home
I feel like kissing every bronze statue
On the mouth
Until they’re polished gold
And wearing polka dots and BIG
BIG BIG hoop earrings
And watching the seagulls steal
sushi from pedestrians on Flinders
I feel like drinking white coffee
Then black coffee
Then white coffee again
I feel like I’m 23 and I’m growing up
messing up, getting to change and be
Changed
And I still like olives and being my Mum
‘s baby
And I feel every stroke of the brush she smooths
Through my hair
Telling me that I am so beautiful and wonderful
And that I will do great things
She believes I will do great things
And I believe in her
And I believe in the world
Because the sun is always so gorgeous no matter what
And music shimmers across bustling cities like stardust
Somewhere a baby is born
A bed is made and a grave is laid
And everything is so ordinary
And there is love even in difference
And I believe it because I feel it
Sitting in this pew, completely out of place
Like a firework in a monastery –
I feel it
And I cry because I believe
I cry because I feel
God because I am happy
And –
Loved.
******